oh my gosh

so, today i feel like i had a mini-thursday moment, and it seems like it will continue the week, which means that the end of the week will be a welcome relief, i just dont know what her plans are, i cant get much information out of her, and i have little in the way of solutions to offer, i just am playing along, betting that she has it all figured out, i at least taught her how prayers will work this morning, and that is what i will do when i get home, much to me delight, that at least i know the Goddess has me covered, even if i cant come up with answers to the rest of life's questions, i mean i am surviving, but it is with some loose ends that at times feel like open wounds, like what i rhymed about today, i dont want to see her as just a musician's wife, that is not right, wouldn't you agree?, i want to see her do something really special, i mean she worked hard in her twenties to get to the point to make a statement in her thirties, and i think i could help, and i want to be a part of the altogether solution that is staring us straight in the face, that the revolution is at hand, and it is time to organize the artists and the talent around a singular cause, that only she can deliver, considering the alternatives this would seem to be obvious to her i would think, but i continue to write as if i am convincing another person to learn a new language, i wonder what she thinks of me even if she is smitten, even if she wants me, which seems like it is affirmative, what does she want to do to make it known, i have been told its going to be big, but honestly i just want to talk with her, and not spend all her money, and follow-through on all her fame, i just want a chance to ask her some questions, i really want to meet my kindred spirit, so that i can guarantee that voice inside my head, that no, i am not alone, that there is at least one other person on this planet that thinks solidly like i do, and that will be the relief i have been long seeking, never coming close enough to it, to ever feel completely free, and though i am stable, i am under the micro-scope right now with all this theory talk, lots of them spinning in and out of my head, and i just want to know the truths that she has figured out, and see if it leads to some peace in time i will get it, but until she walks in and says hello, i will not know for sure, like wow, can i do this much longer alone, can i sustain the pace, the intensity, the pursuit indefinitely, i just dont know, i gotta think she realizes that starting a counter-revolution based on a new religion is too much for me to bear on my own, it just wont start without her, and she needs to trust me, which it seems like she is prepared to do, but i have a penis, so i am susceptible to mis-steps, i just dont want to make any major ones right now, i just want to feel the better vibe that comes from knowing her, and multiply that times infinity when she enters my life, i am ready, i really am, honey bear, i am ready for it, i can handle it, i will not back down from my claims, maybe i will go at a more gradual pace, but i will do it as i have always said, with enthusiasm, and if you have known about me for longer than i have known myself, would you not agree that i have become big enough to handle it, i feel mature, and seasoned, and ready to explode in countless different directions, if given the right push, i just sometimes wonder about children aloud, to the point that you might think i am making these decisions without you, and i dont think i am, i always have you in mind, it was always sinead nierika based on you, it because lauryn lilith when i was pursuing you, and i will consult with you on male names, because i dont know how to raise a son yet, i need your expertise, i need to do it with you, i want to do it with you, i want to make decisions based on your advice, and i am at a determined cross-roads, so that early on we have a process by which we invest our time and talent, so that it is full-fledged when we go in, and i cant do that without you here, you gotta take a step, in my direction, and i really do not want to spend another thursday with you, i dont wanna some Mlly without u, but i am at the point where all these things are coming at me, and i just dont know how to communicate it any more clearly, than i need you, i think you need me, i think you need to re-engage the battle, and the only safe way to do that is with me, in my estimation, there might be other avenues, but for 23 years you have wanted me, why not implement as soon as possible, and by that i mean like now, i am out of ideas to convince you of my conviction to this cause, i believe in it wholly, the world needs us together, and the forces are making moves in our absence, lets engage it, and rectify the pain, just think about the countless voices that would spring forth with a little backing, a little encouragement, and a peaceful gameplan to change the tide, it is all within reach, but i cant guarantee that rather stealth-like i will be able to continue with you not in my life, i am running out of options, out of time, instead of waiting, you have been calling out to everyone that you love me, and i am finally answering back, and now is the time to take advantage of it, and not go to Paris, but get her to come live with us, i wont mind, i like her, i wont sleep with her, but i will laugh my ass off at her, she is so funny to me, and has been very supportive, never have we needed more than we need her now, so why not forego holidays, and come now with her in tow, she likes me, i think she will trust me, and her power could be very useful, we could get a film done right away with her, that would set the stage, i see all of this unfolding, but you cant delay, i implore you to think about the urgency of the matters, and resolutely determine that now is the time, i think it is, and i want you to see that on your own terms, but just believe that i have this whole thing worked out when you come, so why not?...,,,