totally

until i sort through the potentially lots of emotions going on right now, i am just trying to believe it all, transitioning from why oh why does this seem so unreal, like at any new moment you could pull-back, knowing i dont think you will, but when i see your smiling face, until then i wont be able to accept the real present scenario that this is real, knots in my stomach, it is all over-whelming, like the cold weather, it is almost unbearable, to wait through it all, i like your friends but do not favor them over your freedom, i will take both if possible, and i think that is doable if we can just get everything aligned, i think together anything is possible, i wanna believe so badly, i want to see the start of phase II, and after 23 years, i think we have waited long enough for the determined safety of an everyday relationship that sustains, i love you, cant you see that, i know you want to believe it, its almost here, i can feel it, i get chills just developing by thinking about how good it will feel to hug you, and just see you, sometimes after so much wait, and pain and wait, i see that it could all be so soon, if by Paris you mean GRR, much to my delight i carry that possibility, and will be so thrilled, i want to meet your friends, and though i have been confrontational, i only want the best for us, rather stealth-like, and if they are loyal to you, then that is all i need to know, i am excited, and ready, altogether cant quite believe that it could be here, cant quite get used to the feeling of knowing you, enough of me thinks that if before i can even sleep two more nites, that if J is going with you, i cant promise i wont cry little tears of joy, to ease the years of pain, that i made it through to the end, even when difficult, and if it is here, i look forward to meeting you again, totally in control, and just sighs of relief...,,,