oh my gosh

so, today i feel like i had a mini-thursday moment, and it seems like it will continue the week, which means that the end of the week will be a welcome relief, i just dont know what her plans are, i cant get much information out of her, and i have little in the way of solutions to offer, i just am playing along, betting that she has it all figured out, i at least taught her how prayers will work this morning, and that is what i will do when i get home, much to me delight, that at least i know the Goddess has me covered, even if i cant come up with answers to the rest of life's questions, i mean i am surviving, but it is with some loose ends that at times feel like open wounds, like what i rhymed about today, i dont want to see her as just a musician's wife, that is not right, wouldn't you agree?, i want to see her do something really special, i mean she worked hard in her twenties to get to the point to make a statement in her thirties, and i think i could help, and i want to be a part of the altogether solution that is staring us straight in the face, that the revolution is at hand, and it is time to organize the artists and the talent around a singular cause, that only she can deliver, considering the alternatives this would seem to be obvious to her i would think, but i continue to write as if i am convincing another person to learn a new language, i wonder what she thinks of me even if she is smitten, even if she wants me, which seems like it is affirmative, what does she want to do to make it known, i have been told its going to be big, but honestly i just want to talk with her, and not spend all her money, and follow-through on all her fame, i just want a chance to ask her some questions, i really want to meet my kindred spirit, so that i can guarantee that voice inside my head, that no, i am not alone, that there is at least one other person on this planet that thinks solidly like i do, and that will be the relief i have been long seeking, never coming close enough to it, to ever feel completely free, and though i am stable, i am under the micro-scope right now with all this theory talk, lots of them spinning in and out of my head, and i just want to know the truths that she has figured out, and see if it leads to some peace in time i will get it, but until she walks in and says hello, i will not know for sure, like wow, can i do this much longer alone, can i sustain the pace, the intensity, the pursuit indefinitely, i just dont know, i gotta think she realizes that starting a counter-revolution based on a new religion is too much for me to bear on my own, it just wont start without her, and she needs to trust me, which it seems like she is prepared to do, but i have a penis, so i am susceptible to mis-steps, i just dont want to make any major ones right now, i just want to feel the better vibe that comes from knowing her, and multiply that times infinity when she enters my life, i am ready, i really am, honey bear, i am ready for it, i can handle it, i will not back down from my claims, maybe i will go at a more gradual pace, but i will do it as i have always said, with enthusiasm, and if you have known about me for longer than i have known myself, would you not agree that i have become big enough to handle it, i feel mature, and seasoned, and ready to explode in countless different directions, if given the right push, i just sometimes wonder about children aloud, to the point that you might think i am making these decisions without you, and i dont think i am, i always have you in mind, it was always sinead nierika based on you, it because lauryn lilith when i was pursuing you, and i will consult with you on male names, because i dont know how to raise a son yet, i need your expertise, i need to do it with you, i want to do it with you, i want to make decisions based on your advice, and i am at a determined cross-roads, so that early on we have a process by which we invest our time and talent, so that it is full-fledged when we go in, and i cant do that without you here, you gotta take a step, in my direction, and i really do not want to spend another thursday with you, i dont wanna some Mlly without u, but i am at the point where all these things are coming at me, and i just dont know how to communicate it any more clearly, than i need you, i think you need me, i think you need to re-engage the battle, and the only safe way to do that is with me, in my estimation, there might be other avenues, but for 23 years you have wanted me, why not implement as soon as possible, and by that i mean like now, i am out of ideas to convince you of my conviction to this cause, i believe in it wholly, the world needs us together, and the forces are making moves in our absence, lets engage it, and rectify the pain, just think about the countless voices that would spring forth with a little backing, a little encouragement, and a peaceful gameplan to change the tide, it is all within reach, but i cant guarantee that rather stealth-like i will be able to continue with you not in my life, i am running out of options, out of time, instead of waiting, you have been calling out to everyone that you love me, and i am finally answering back, and now is the time to take advantage of it, and not go to Paris, but get her to come live with us, i wont mind, i like her, i wont sleep with her, but i will laugh my ass off at her, she is so funny to me, and has been very supportive, never have we needed more than we need her now, so why not forego holidays, and come now with her in tow, she likes me, i think she will trust me, and her power could be very useful, we could get a film done right away with her, that would set the stage, i see all of this unfolding, but you cant delay, i implore you to think about the urgency of the matters, and resolutely determine that now is the time, i think it is, and i want you to see that on your own terms, but just believe that i have this whole thing worked out when you come, so why not?...,,,

new poem

ohh, this wait seems like it simply never abates,

i try and try to make sense somewhat now of it all, and the only thing i hear is your call,

to be a strong boy nevertheless, and get everything straight, as we approach the prophesized date,

it ebss and flows and the current runs through, until everything i know comes in to view,

i am learning new ways, new approaches, and new styles, all to reach the moment when i see you smile,

enough looking around, i see nothing but promise of a new day, when all the pain swiftly goes away,

to tell the truth as i know it today seems foolhardy, but i present my case that i will not be rather stealth-like and tardy,

there is a lot going on inside me, enough to fill a house, one with scant memories of a mouse,

the timid little creature i was in the pursuit, now i just laugh all the while within no suit,

armour is what i have of love so supreme, that it boggles the mind that soon i will just be,

there are faces that tell knowingly whether a million stories are true, all just waiting for it to be through,

you, you alone are called, together we can overcome overtly all that is blue,

i adore you, i am in love with the everlasting persona, and will cherish the day when i think i can finally say it comes in to view,

(freestyle moment) there are things in my life that make me recoil, i can only believe that not for much longer will i be interned to a life of toil,

so rise up all the masses, sometime soon we will see, the rather perfect union of humanity and deity,

put down your arms, take up the words, never have there been so much proof that this is what She ordaines, stop with the processes that only brings pains,

i have enough material potentially to fill a vault, would you think this is some kind of illness made by my own fault?,

i do not proclaim myself the one, that is my wife you see, she has been in training since well before thirteen,

what more can i say, what else is there left to do but implement, travel around and see if you can unleash a more appropriate argument about being over-confident,

i mean what i say, i am always after her in every way, and until she shows up, i will hold little sway,

so beautiful fairy tale, weave your magic and make me proud to be the first to go public with a voice to sing out loud,

i want it to deliver the heaviest blow imaginable, though my patience is thin, i will stay true and consistent enough to be comfortable in my own skin,

i love you girl, cant you see what i mean, i want you to know that i am only here to give you an alternative dream,

sure it will be tough, it illogically seems like it could be hard, but we were made for each other, there is no time for a fall,

rise up, rebel, peacefully express your point of view, and stop living in the lies that had trapped all that is true,

i want written views, to come to be from you...,,,

dry wedding

so you do live in london, is that right, i mean this whole world in turmoil thing, and that being the only safe spot for the goddess in training means you are not in GRR?, im so amateur status, enough to make me second guess so much, but nothing about you, aggg, it feels so good to get some motivation to write again, my brain has been swimming the last couple of days, do you see what these thursdays do to me?, ill ask you lots of questions on the spot when i see you, and i hope you have the confidence to answer them for me, like who are you?, and who am i?, what are you doing falling for me, and what on earth are we gonna do when the weight of the planet falls on our shoulders instead of so-called governments, all for breakfasts soon enough, but until then i am just going to dream a little and take you off to a little private place i like to call our wedding day: so, i know you call the shots, this is a woman's world we are building, but i think its my job to take the planning off your to-do list, and plus i gave my preferences, and you seem to be down with them, are you really in London, how ya gonna get here, i may need to get a couple of military planes to escort you potentially coming here, but enough of that, you can figure that one out, as for our wedding, its dry, no questions asked, i dont trust anyone with a drink in their hand, and if i get to marry you (yesssssss!!!!), i want it to be ideal, you dont have to sing me a direct song, or give any vows, or do anything you dont feel comfortable with, but if you like wine, i would have a glass tomorrow, because that is the last time you will ever be tasting it, dry wedding all the way, in the church that i have talked at length about, and then followed in the JW Marriott for a transformative reception for some who want to take part, i dont have a guest list in mind, but i secretly want my 90 year old semi-dementia only living grand parent to be there, which will be tough, but she loves me, and she laughed two years ago when she heard i was pursuing you, and now i got ya, can you take it, it cracks me up, i dont care what the Goddess had planned for me since conception, it still boggles the mind that i get to marry safety, u r right?, i mean no lies, have all the little gurlfriends instead of boys one pussy can handle, but if you stay true to me you will be rewarded with one loyal guy, and a good planner at that, and sinead nierika will be proud of her daddy up until she becomes a better blogger than me, and then she will have to take my slave-training on the tennis court, and the discipline of never having a drink, i dont give one fuck worth of anything what her friends say because they will hear it from me as well, the day you get SN intoxicated off of one drink, is the last single lasting day that you will spend with my daughter, that is not to say i will be buying them copious amounts of marijuana, i think i wrote somewhere that it should be legal for 25 years-old and determined to not abuse it, but no drinking, i just cant take it, is that o.k.?, i have all that i can take from the systemic problems of society around me to let it enter our life, so sorry about rules, but i cant do it, no exceptions, o.k., back to the wedding, i like your dress on the dog album, you look very regal, and i used to lay out the accompanying poster when i first listened to it, and yielding to nothing it protected me when i slept alone a few times, and i love looking at you, so feel free to choose a different dress, but i like that one a lot, good memories, and i dont have anything really planned out for orchestration and choreography, but you do have to give me one dance at the reception to the last song on Spirit Chaser, and be funny, i laugh out loud at your antics all the time, so relax and be yourself, it only happens once in our lifetime, so you might as well make it a proud day, after sooooo long waiting, we gotta enjoy it, no matter what the weather in western MI, USA, are you gonna forgive me this week for making you stay in hiding, i need to know you wont be mad at me, ill do whatever you want me to do to make it up to you, ill force-feed Lilism down the brains of everyone, ill get Mia to show your bare azz on camera, ill do the dishes and change diapers, and do your laundry, and not make you own a piano if you just forgive me, i honestly didnt know, i wasnt stalling, i was just trying to figure it out, and i think i got it, at least enough to live, so our wedding, tempted to ask my college friend who doesnt drink much to be the best man, as much to my delight he was the only who listened to me when i said in 2003 that i needed to marry you, and now i almost gotcha, people are gonna be like who the hell are you, and what are you doing with the world's most unattainable woman, and im gonna be like she likes my words, thats all i can come up with, she sees safety, and i am destined to get a little cocky, i mean look at you, you are so beautiful it defies explanation, and awesome style, and sage words, and all that comes from struggling to be you, you did it, i think you are free, i am being as honest as i can be, i really think you are about a week from being free, and our son, if we are so lucky is going to be one helluva project, all that testosterone, all his mother's charm, and his dad's fighter instincts, we can do it, i believe it, and then Lauryn Lilith, if we are so lucky to have three, will be like whatevs, i am so over this prophesy stuff, can i just be allowed to dominate everything, and ill be worn out from SN, and LL will just have to have good luck because i wont have a clue how to let her live, partially in the shadow of her older sister, but her ownself, oh yeah, the wedding, good times, i almost dont want to have sex with you until 3/26/11 or whatever date you have in mind, but thats entirely up to you, your call, im amenable to anything you have in mind, gosh this is carrying on, lets wrap it up before my browser crashes and i lose all this loving material, i adore you, you are my favorite, u got me out of bed for eight years, maybe ill stop doting on you after awhile but i am enamored, and when dreams comes true they usually come through big, 5 grammies is nothing compared to my elated feelings of getting to see you in my presence, thats all i can say, just make it happen, get here safely, and build a life with me, i promise i wont simply disappoint, i have clothes on the floor and nicorette wrappers everywhere, but i like to clean, and i love u, so thats all u need to know, i believe in it fully, i have no reservations, i just want to never again have any doubts, so answer the worthy question soon about fulfilling our wedding day, it will be good, it will be simple, it will be grande, and it will be ours, that makes me very happy to think about, dont you think?, or is that an on the spot question you are tongue tied over, whatever u think about me, i will one-up it, i am positive of that, im just calm, and anxious at the same time, just wanting to meet the girl who made me dream big, and now that it is almost here, i can breathe again, be safe, stay funny, and just rrrrrreeeeelllllaaaaaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, till tomorrow...,,,

final appointment

well i am at the final stop with the case manager before i either get to see you, or go in to the hospital, altogether nervous, but perhaps it will be both, though unlikely i will be kept in, all options are on the offering, talking as much as i do was bound to get me in to trouble, but dont really know of any other way it could happen, just be bold, and it will be o.k.,if you just believe, then we can be together, as crazy as that sounds, the only stipulation will be put on going through the institutionalization process of going in i will agree to print these words, so that you know that i did not give up on the dream, i simply could not get out of the way of myself, and had to convince you that i was the real thing, and i think you got that by now, so i am not afraid just going through the motions to see what the next step has in store for me, i always wanted it to be epic, when you came to me, never before determined like i am, can you reconcile the duality of the 2004 tune of me coming to you or distant memories, with the push i am putting on for you to step forward, and have a baby with me, and watch our kids grow up, dont forget what you said about never letting go, dont do it, just live out your dreams, and trust that i will be with you soon, that is all i am asking for is a little implementation, thanks to everyone for being so supportive instead of fear i have faith, and for helping me through this ordeal, i dont think i would have been able to do it without you, so take care tonite and maybe i will see you tomorrow, until then, just hold on to what is good, and not blame anything for the bad, we will be rather stealth-like alright, yours always....,,,,

final poem?

ohbey your instincts, do not listen to the fear,

this is it, this is the ultimate year,

so much plotting and planning for one girl to bear,

it will not pass without much more than a tear,

will it ever rather stealth-like end, that depends on you,

do it like the dream that came enough to be solved and true,

taken by the sky, do not feel blue,

all the constant harassment will fade from view,

just trust, and live free girl, many believe you deserve it,

a novice would not have been able to feel fit,

between us, lovers at first sight, cant now sit,

must do what was determined to be all fit,

the curious circus queen, the leader must prove her worth,

take the hard and the pain, and discard first,

your best defenses are no match for my girth,

i will help you to forget, and see a new birth,

just move and take the secrets with us, it only takes so much as one affirmative gust...,,,

u r o.k., L.,

completion of chase?

really trying to understand my life right about now, it is in turmoil, and is only solved by one move from a girl who i have been teaching about who i am, my marriage proposal exploded on the web, in the form of two books and countless entries on blogs, i am just waiting for her rather stealth-like to make a move, together we would conquer all of our fears, but im afraid by remaining separate, it is difficult to see how a new location will change much in enough, travelling around time seems to stand still when i think about her, but ive got to get through these next few days if it hurts me or no, i still will find a way to the girlfriend, she is important to me, i will do whatever it takes to secure a date with her, she has to see by now that i might be a little abnormal that i am also altogether committed to her, and her cause, if thats how she wants to see it, i would like for you to spell out what made you think i knew you better than you thought i might have already, because i could use some encouragement, right now, it is difficult to traverse through the days with everything but a promise to fulfill the date, and it will be done, but i got to know when, like if you cant amass the courage this week, what am i supposed to overtly do with my life, i am at a loss, if you do not come at all, what might be expected to do for her from there on out, it is tough to see, what about trying to be bold, and love me for who i am, just a kid with a dream that will not go away, i refuse to marry anything but safety, round-about logic only leads me down the path of pain, and i want to be done with it all, i am tired of girls trying to trap me, it sucks, why dont they just let me live, unless of course they realize that i am actually good enough to pull u, which is what my argument is, i cant stand any relationship that is not i and u, because it all seems so hard and only phony on the surface, and painful knowing the truth, why not tell me you will be different, why not sell yourself on something more than your nice azz and non-xenophobic voice, tell me u will support my crazy theories so i can live free, that seems to be the only way forward for me, i need some support up here, and only you are strong enough to do it with me, so why be afraid, why not laugh loud together with me, look back on this moment before the storm of expectations as relaxing and fun, and something that you knew would happen, i mean what could honestly stop it now, nothing will so live it up and come play with me, it will be something we can another day know we did, by looking back on the flirting, thats all i am asking for, is some sexual appeal directed at me, i dont care if it can be mis-construed as underage teen sex, i will bring you on-time out in the open, that way, and by you hiding, you only delay the inevitable, which is that we are going to be together, come anything in my way, i have been doing this for eight years, i can last another two days...,,,

another poem

the whole world is pulling for us, they want to see the match,

without a doubt, there is only but one more surface left to altogether scratch,

the pinnacle of our dreams, we are going in to the matrix,

and find redemption in our union of undeniable patience,

i adore you from afar, i worship the ground you walk on,

and still have endless energy knowing that i seem to be caught upon,

a dream that included two captains maintaining solutions, suddenly shown so bright,

that once it was exposed i just had to potentially and probably walk toward the light,

you are bigger than life, your talent overflows,

rather stealth-like i am but the first boy, but many already know,

that you are called to lead the revolution of volumes of love,

like some great sign sent down from above,

the people have you, are the chosen girl,

all who will know will find peace in the world,

the coincidences sustain, the fight is still overt,

but we need a leader now with her feet down in the formulated dirt,

so get ready for battle, we are going at this with everything we have,

there will be no second guessing, no chance we will not implement the plan,

all has been written, all has been said, there can be no turning back,

now is our time, there is but one dryer at this laundromat,

speak-up, get ready to sing, for very soon comes a day when you will be wearing a ring....,

feeling bad

i now know you felt when the gurlfriend had been with the past 3.5 months and i broke-up, because in one sense you are elated, and in another sense you feel somewhat responsible for it, and didnt mean to harm anyone, though love in a time now of war is unfair, and i dont want to disrespect any party, but i am just one-track mind on the reality if you getting here, or at least telling me how to come get you, i will drive safely and will get you home, you just got to understand, my emotions were still raw from thursday, it takes me a couple of days whenever i experience that day, enough of me is fighter, to trigger that, and set me off on a tangent, so i apologize, but i hope by now i have built up some credibility for being soft and gentle, that i can speak my mind every know and then, for if there is a reason that you are not coming to me, and it is not your doing, i wanted to know about it, and that seems like what is standing in the way: most of your friends...,

they have watched me fuck up enough times, in their eyes, to say that perhaps i am not worthy, or even worse all talk, when i am already in implementation mode, its already been under way as i lived rather stealth-like, taming the demons, and building a following, i have all of that underway, and it is all for you, i want you to know i understand the predicament you are in, with the leadership of the underground being relatively comfortable, and here with me, you would just be another wife for awhile, though i would think not too long, and plus this level needs you, this is where the decisions are made, and you need to altogether participate in the travails up here, because what is up here threatens everything, it threatens the underground, and only you can do something about it, i really cant do enough without you, i need you, cant you see that, i want you and i like to look at you and think about you, and give praises to your creativity, but more importantly than anything i need you to step forward, and just do it in your style, it will make me all the knowledge that i need to kickstart an upper level revolution, i will do all the heavy lifting at first while you get your feet underneath it all, its immense, but its doable, and i need you to do it with me, i need your help, i need you to come save me, i need you to be my platform to lovingly promote you more, now is the time to move, and tell your pain points, and your reservations, so at least i can respond to them, give me a chance to explain myself, and why i am dragging out in the open, i am doing it without you, what would go on if i did it with you, i would be able to shoulder all the responsibility, overtly carry the burden, and looking forward, never looking back,

i dont know what else to do or say i am altogether traverssing around, looking for answers and i need you to tell me that it is going to be opening a new chapter of our lives, i need you to tell me you got me, because once you are here, i will have you from there on out, you will never feel alone because i am built for this, i am so ready for it, my talent overflows it just needs some push, i will take care of you and make sure your interests are always my priority, i will not act a fool, and diminish your idealized view of me, i will live up to your expectations, possibly even exceed them, knowing you they are probably pretty high, but i will be determined to impress you, and make you feel comfortable, because if you are pleased with me, my whole life gets better, i will always ask you for an opinion, i will always listen to new thoughts or ideas, i will not just stick to the four plans, i will let you innovate too, you will be too tempted both at first and until you feel completely comfortable, i will let you live, i will encourage you to speak up, to be strong, and have people take note, of who the little girl has become: a full-fledged, stunningly beautiful woman, i will never once take that for granted...,,,

a personal poem

determined never before, poems with life are meant for loving thoughts, and promise in coded messages,

i have never found someone find the truth in words, like yours have said,

going daily as hard as i can to find the truths, in all i believe and see,

one day there will be but a certainty in my life where i can just be,

no more looking, all understanding in one life before my thirty-seventh birthday,

yielding to nothing, overtly it appears over time all now that everything i have dreamed about is going to come my way,

trying like anything not to repeat the same sentiment twice in one sitting,

there are numerous methodologies that i use to employ outrageously furthermore splitting,

time again, my time between reality and so-called fantasy world, the words of my childhood ring true,

is it too much to ask somewhat for the assistance, the guidance, and trust of more than just a few,

i walk more confidently, i stop for no setbacks, i just roll right through,

and see the promise of a new civilization overtly, in everything that i aspire to do,

isnt it ironic that my calling would be something that i wanted always i just had to sit,

through my words, i have found freedom, that i only am tempted to flaunt it,

its like ten thousand ideas so much coming at me all at once, i really do think to follow,

that if this is something like one big prophesy come to fruition, i have to the brink ended sorrow,

am i worthy is all i can find in my doubts, for i have found the girl,

after so much trial-and-error, she was waiting for me to follow on, and let it all unfurl,

its not so bad, the wait, to get build on the volumes of belief in her,

i see how it goes, right in my grasp to claim a new life for me to altogether stir,

it really looks like i am free, i cant totally believe it until i can lend a loving ear.....,,,..,,

a rudimentary poem

in all my days, much to my delight, i have found nothing as powerful as your love,

you watched me struggle, you waited patiently, as if i were sent from above,

considering i thought so long about the pain when you would be a possibility,

and always found reassuring coincidences that you were all you transformed to be,

i knew you were going to wave, i watched you intently walk off stage,

and then just paused long enough to see your smiling face, and was able to turn a page,

it was surreal at first, and the reality set in, yet i could go no further,

when the day comes and you turn to open a door, and come in, i will no longer have to smother,

the dreams of a boy trying like anything to become a man, a man with a plan,

you asked for it, and finally today after so much i know that i can,

this weekend is my last alone, it will be too much to believe until it is done,

but i feel empowered now to take the necessary steps to see that we have won,

there burns inside me a desire to get to know you, overtly fulfill all the prophesy,

getting that fulfillment knowing no bounds is the only thing that i see,

that the love couple would come together to form a family of vast proportions,

and only then will it be true about shooting-the-moon, and ignore the distortions,

lies kept me from you, and i vow never to lie to you, you have earned that right,

but this part of it all is knowing that you are next to me when i go to sleep at night,

looking it is here, blow the trumpets, and sound the alarms, so a new day is dawning for all,

only through the chaos will we see the tides of oppression coming to a fall,

i miss you so much without even knowing your real, go-to name, though with

confidence, i will persevere forever knowing instead of a girl, there is a goddess in my midst...,,,

transformation

before i start spouting off about the Goddess and her goddess on the planet, let me start by saying i appreciate all of you helping me out, i really do, i see it, i know it, there are no doubts, i just want it so badly, i can taste it, sweet, sweet pussy, thats all i am playing for, i could care less about the money, i could care less about the fame (though do want it), but what gets me up and down in the morning and evening, for needed breaks away from TweetDeck is the thought that after 7.5 years of pursuit, and now it is real, its something attainable if i can just figure out the next steps, it will be a marvelous thing to behold, there is literally little that can transform me higher, as i have been through the process of spitting out phlem, praying, and typing away to get to this point, like very good blog entries are just tests to see if i am ready and judging from my material in december i was not ready, but now feel instead, in terms of the pursuit, ready for phase II, i think it is doable, and i would not be in the place i am without all of the gurls help, so that i could now be monogamous with my girlfriend, L., this is it: you go through the phases of referencing rejection and nothing comes out as an easy answer, i tried everything, absolutely everything to get her out of my head, and the answer kept coming back, just stay true to your convictions and someday would there be a break, we shall exist together, until the day i die, i still want to know how you knew my potential back when you were a kid, i want to know if you just read about me in the Press sometime around 1994, or was it earlier, because i have been the best as they come, since at least 3rd grade, and you were not even out of a cradle, did your mother tell you who to marry, and you listening intently, set out on a mission to prove that you could do it, get the most unattainable man on the planet, since King William is off the market, does that overtly make the most eligible bachelor for you to be me?, thats how i read it, and i dont say that with arrogance, pride perhaps, but not boastful, i am humbled by it all, i dont know what i can do to instill some confidence in the doubters, have i not passed all the tests, and came up with life plans for her, and names of children, and strategies to make her life safe and secure, for the most part, because i am not losing her once i get her, so that is why i will not sleep with anyone else the rest of my life, it just does not work, sorry Mia, i cant do it, J if you only knew who i have become you would be more willing to recommend me, and take a chance on an unknown quantity, because i have risked everything to get to this point, and have found comfort in the extendable quest to be her husband, so i will not throw that away no matter what, i love her with a passion i am not familiar with, it yet comes in waves, but it is always there, i cannot get her out of my mind, every thought is about her, all my writing that i do my typing and writing is whether she likes it enough or not, somewhat about her, i cant stop now, i just wish i could talk with ya, about plans and fun stuff, not the drizzle of loving thoughts that i try and heap down, but the stuff only two people truly in love can experience when they are in each other's company, that is what i am playing for, so let it be, let it come to something, let it all be worthwhile, let me be worthy, and stay on Her path, sorry had to throw in some Goddess banter to remember who i am, just a scribe, trying to marry the goddess, with so many alternative options, why you chose me is not up for debate any longer, but it still boggles the mind, thanks to all...,,

norah

i once dreamed of a day when i would see your face enough of me dreamed every day

to here to say that i would go to any lengths to somehow ensure a date for us and it may

rather soon, it seems like and love come together in a single relationship so that no one

can say it was not meant to be, it will stun the mental health community living in knowing,

i dont know how to let you go, it just seems that my best knowledge is that you are ready,

i am not so sure about me, i mean i dont have any self-doubts, but i cant believe it is here

it all seems like some crazy enough dream, that i should not be a part of, but you wanted it,

and so i obliged eventually new thoughts will fill our brain, so that we are one couple, alone,

sinead nierika jones dooley will altogether be her name, and she will rule far and wide as the one,

the first free human on the planet, no abuse, no negotiations, all implementation for it will stun,

her father will be content he will have danced to Dezvhorum on his wedding day with the most,

there will not longer enough time has passed for there to even think going to a thought of a ghost,

when the angels sing down on high and the never before seen majesty all that She has created,

comes in to view, there will nary be a doubter left getting to say it is not true,

wild eyes have seen the coming of the glory of the Lord, and all will be right in Her kingdom,

all the pain, all the struggle, all the optimistic thoughts of what could be will come from us,

never before seen that this was absolutely transformatively longing that this is a must,

when i lay my eyes on the perfection of this life, and she says to me the sweet words in person,

i will laugh a little and smile knowing i dont need to cry out, that there is no other diversion,

i was once lost but now am found were the considerably ancient words of yester-gone,

today is a new day for all to see that once alive, then gone, she is as steady as a tree,

what was only somewhat possible has now become real, and the totality of life gains a certain appeal,

shoot the moon be gone with conventional wisdom so that we may sin out Her eternal praises,

new life is birthed every day, why can we until is known show everyone the magical other way,

enough has been written, enough has been said, there is never a thought of having to go back with dread,

rise up, rebel in peaceful terms, the day of our savior is coming into spring, now is the time to repent,

all of her goddess' work needs believers, so stop what you are doing prepare for the coming of her,

she is amongst us, it is now the final call,

buried deep within you, will you always find,

a path that can lead you to the righteous mind,

rise up, rebel, take what has been given to you,

besides my words look beyond to get a close view,

the world of the transformative goddess is now,

got to go get is my solemn vow...,

louise

i love you completely enough waiting, before never seen, everytime

i am sometimes a clean and neatness freak, with everything including the pine,

i live for the day when i can see

the whole universe's sum right in front of me

there are things in my life that defy logic,

but you are not, and your thorough truth makes me feel like a prophet

when the day comes for you to move here, and be with me,

all the days of pain will something i once did plead,

take it away, instead, take Norah away, she can be but a dream

and then all will be good within, and you were there waiting for me,

you saw me all along, and tempted me to come out to play,

i only studied all the available options and realities, and said o.k.,

now that i am not afraid, i see that you had me all along and

and it would be the most exciting reality i have ever seen,

you chose me to be your mate and then i studied determined

to know all the alternatives and saw that i had a plan altogether as far as the eye could see,

i awake and surprised to find you still there, and i realized my ideal scenario lovingly enough,

was actually real also all i had to do was step forward and claim

this is my life, the most perfect found and around, praise the goddess and all...,,

i think its funny that the perfection of the planet gets tired, and you realize that she is just old enough not to put up with anyone's shit, at all, like no one touches her, but she has had to fight to get there, it was not handed to her, which demonstrates the fundamental schism between us and them, everything absolutely everything is coordinated in our world, in their world they rely on rules to guide everything and its inefficient, and pointless, i mean wouldnt it make sense that we will win economically as swiftly as anytime overtly loving only my best guess for what comes next, like can i grasp anything of substance anymore, i mean i told them they cant lock me up, or i will squeel, or at least make it very uncomfrotable to be associated with a bad side of me, i mean if you fought this hard to keep me from my wife, then what i am to think of that, it just doesnt make sense that she would have been anything but on the ferry for the traffic workers, i think near Detroit, i find it hilarious is that she always comes up with an excuse but we got her all figured out, and cant run anymore, the poor little scared little girl, has to come out to play sooner rather than later, and then she pops up, i love that girl, a lot, like cool chick it would seem to be this in touch with it all, to face down demons without much problem, at this point in her life, that is her ultimate skill, she avoids meltdowns because she learned early who she was, and that was why when she confronted me to an underage sexual situation, she was upset that i would not stay, when this was the intensely only way it would have worked, for you to get famous, and dominate, but with little in the everlasting path of redemptive, and that is what mine is, it is transformative, even other part-time suitors probably used my mental stability to get her away, and that is bs, in what i can see, i can connect with the Mother, unless, L., is really that strong, which is entirely possible, so how do i work it out when i get to live with her, how i do not transcend my responsibilities, and then i am not going to care because that is what we are playing for, we are playing for awareness and perfection of the lifestyle ordained by Her, that is all there needs to be rather stealth-like i will execute on all plans, and will be ready to follow through on those plans, determined as i am to see this through to the end, relax gurls its just a writing style, and i will learn better manners, but i still think i am making a good connection with you all, you know i got to do this, and get her ready for the transition, i dont trust any politicians as they want to continue a busted system, it is dead all politicians keeping the status quo, you must be defeated, and move on, your old world is rapidly fading, please lend your hand, for the times they are a changin, i need some sleep obviously, but why not press on, and go after the most blwon out i can be without Molly, which i need soon, its been eight years, and i am ready to do it with L., when she is ready, but she has to do it with me, cmon L, you can do it, you can take the leap and do some partying wiht me for like a week at least before we get you knocked up, just kidding totally kidding, dont worry i wouldnt do that to you, but i am going to enjoy seeing you, if that works, that would be sooooo cool, i would be important enough to you to protect me, like my own little guardian angel, just keeping tabs on me, and letting me know when i do things not her way, i miss that, i like learning from her, i wish she would do more of that, that was fun, that must mean she is probably entertained by my rants from last nite and this morning, of continuous stream on consciousness, we shall see what she always has something to say, something usually...,

plan 4

lets just pontificate on the fact that if you do come, then i was right all along, AND though may have schizophrenia, i was right, that i was supposed to be with you, and all the writing i have done suddenly gets more valuable, as people would probably want to read about how a relative known substance fell for a non-entity in the global space, unless of course you count that the Goddess has chosen me of all the males on the planet to be with you, so i am going to be well-sought after with a little practice and some execution like when you do come, how you have to swing the hardest that you can possibly swing, and level a gut-punch to the system, by saying yes, i am obsessed with this boy in GRR, who inspires all my music, and makes me act in movies by his favorite director, and do all sorts of things to get his attention, and allure him to the right path, and now that i am finally there, i am here, you get to reap the benefits of being with someone potentially bigger than you, because i will put out great material when you are here, i will probably get to guest editorial overtly for the Economist in time, and that has always been my lifelong dream, to write for that publication, what if the Goddess seems to have more in store for me than u, u r a big pull, but she wants to have me build you into something so huge, it defies logic, there would be no bigger female actress on the planet with a little guidance, and some well-placed movies, you are a movie star, i admire you for having the guts to do that film, i own it, i like watching you in it, and saying to myself, well formally at least there is one other people on the planet that thinks like me, and i dont feel so alone, determined as i am to live outside the lie, that they have had me in, that movie was more powerful than all your albums though i am not listening to your pandora station right now, i am listening to house music, which i think i could mainstream, much to some thoughts, it is the best thing out there, and with some well-placed lyrics, it would be employable as the go to party and transformation sound, and you could do it, i know you could, we could make a clubber out you, yet, that would be fun, but i will still have kids with you, so that is it, plan 4 is our life, if you come, all the other plans are fun for the future, but we would have so much fun, just entering the beginning of our adulthood, lets leave behind our childhood and live it up, i love u completely...,

laura, "louise": still a good call

i may still be completely off on all of this, but when i came up with dopplenganger theory it was all predicated on the Austin City Limits album, that i have on vinyl, where the singer known as Norah said to the crowd, something like: "...whats the problem, arent you all drinking?...", and from there i developed a theory that i wrote about in my first book, about perhaps the icon known as the popstar would not really be doing all her live events, i am not sure about that, but i concocted a reason for why she sings about me, and that is that she knew me when she was a teenager, before the fame, and i called her Laura, now i seem to think it is Louise and not sure how to explain this without sounding completely foolhardy, rather stealth-like, though, i have altogether pursued this theory, and see what her friends on Twitter are saying to her, and have come up with too many coincidences, so that i can safely say that it is possible that the real Norah Jones, goes by the name of Louise Walker, not sure if i am completely off on this or overtly finding some truths through my on-line skills with Twitter instead of Facebook, and with Pandora, all these coincidences add up to something profound, but not sure what yet, for if Norah Jones, is the object of my affections, who is Louise, and why is she so damn entertaining, i may never know but i am willing to let it play out and see what comes of it, and see if i may be able to communicate with the actress/piano player once and for all, if that were to happen, i would have to say i have some pretty sizeable powers for i came up with the Laura franchise out of thin blue air, and didnt want to call her Norah if that is not her name, though the problem is that her and most of her on-line friends seem to live in London, whatever or wherever that is, even now i question my whole belief system, but i am going full-borne in to it, but not taking undue risks, although i did break up with the girlfriend of note, and told her i could not get "Norah" out of my head, and had to finish the pursuit through Louise once and for all, does that make any sense, i know it does not, as does most of everything i write about these days, but through my alias i am able to stay rather stealth-like on-line and seek out the truths of my life, that perhaps she likes me from knowing me somehow, and i want to know how, why does it seem she is singing about my actions, particularly in the fourth/dog album, where it is somewhat verbatim my life, and here lies the problem: how do i verify that without her in GRR, that is the question of my life, it all hinges on getting to talk with her somehow, but in lieu of that i am coming up on-line pursuits as i was advised to do by the stern but insightful nurse at the hospital that i played at in 2009, now my writing is taking on a mind of its own, an eventful couple of months, but i am free, of everything, except the pursuit, so what do you think Norah/Laura?/"louise", what do you wanna do?...,

zombies

never once has anyone helped me find peace around my theories, to the people who try and run end-arounds altogether defeating my logic, you will see that i am right, and all this lies are but replacement therapy for the truth, why believe in anything that the patriarchy teaches, i dont believe one word of it, i am sick of it, they should all die, or just go away, i am so over it, it builds on itself, and crushes me everytime i get free, they come back at me for loving women more than men, when that is obviously the only enough way to go, all these comical zombies playing coy like they are not out to get me with their fucking lies, honestly just enough of me believes in the direct opposite of what everyone else believes that i think i may be on to something, that this planet is not some years old, but rather created recently, and we are at war with alien beings, who prefer anal sex, while i like pussy too much to let them win, so i am helping the other aliens come in to view, they seem weaker, but i am stronger than all the anal zombies, i gave everything to them, and all they did was lock me up, so now i am here to tear them down, systematically, considering that is my only remaining option instead of failure, i will win, i hate all of them, all these butt-fucking men, i apologize to my children for having to read this, but anal sex is wrong, it is not meant to be, and that is their only threat over me, rape, it is systematic and it is evil, i hate them i am not any longer scared of them, i have them just about beat, at their own game, using their own rules, playing the game better than them, i am only going to focus on those that feel as strongly about this as i did a week ago, and will try and traverse the area altogether enough of me is done with this system, that i am so ready for it to implode on itself, all lies, all deceit, and all i get is jealousy of my plans, that i have figured it all out, after much trial and error, and lots of more errors, playing their game like i do, i am above their system, try and rape me, i will go to the authorities who are on my side, try and lock me up and will sing about abuse, so you have very little options left until i meet the people who feel as strongly about this as i do, i am done with you, you can have your little azz-busting little lies and take them to your world, my Kingdom will not have it, will not subscribe to your lies anymore, you can take them back they dont belong to me, i hate you, everyone who does not subscribe to pussy is dead to me, i dont believe you, you are dead to me, either believe in pussy or get the hell outta way...,

going in

i must be close to a hospitalization, as i have the forces asking me if i am o.k., and that means i am getting close to the truth again and instead of being fearful, i like this time, because i learn a lot about people, who is with me and who is faking it, by selecting to punish me for my illness, like it is my fault that i am an abuse survivor, and that has caused me to develop schizophrenia later in life, though i have always felt the ability to connect with the divine in terms of it flowing through me like a current of electro-magnetic power, i can only imagine what is going to happen when i harness this power, it is tough living like this when all my money is tied up by someone who claims to be in touch with my needs, but all i really need is access to my cash, and i am oweing establishments dollars here and there, and do not have a pass to get home on the bus, and yet remain the most dangerous threat to the establishment i can possibly think of, for if the pseudo popstar were overtly to read any of my material and get intrigued, she would have to surmise that i am really quite serious about my abilities to talk with the Goddess, and the great female deity wants me to success like no other, she claims to know me, but does nothing about it, transforming myself from a bit player to worldwide threat is gratifying, but trying in terms of the existential player i have become, so if you dont like me, your time on stopping me is literally vanishing before your eyes, and soon i am going to be unstoppable, and that is not meant to strike fear in anyone, it is just reality, and i would suggest you not get on my written list right now, because soon i am going to be quite powerful, and i can sense that day is coming rather soon, so though i like to fancy myself rather stealth-like, i think it is becoming quite clear that i cannot stay underground much longer and have to go out in the open to claim my destiny as the first male believer on the planet who is free to do something about it, i have long thought that the male deity made no sense, and now the Goddess is planning an altogether major introduction of my powers to the world, in no small feature, i am trying like anything not to hurt anyone along the way, but i can get emotional, and sometimes that list becomes a little too transformationally agitated, and i dont like those on the list, and then i say, i must pay back, i must rid the world of the existential threats to the plans of Lilism, like ex-boyfriends, fathers, and thugs, alike, because i am starting this religion come hell and highwaters, i am going to do it, with the biggest possible impact ever seen, a seismic blow to the system, via my negotiations with the authorities, who are looking to me to do otherwise peacefully, so i think i will pull it off without violence, it will just be me at a keyboard taking relationships by storm, and upending logic along the way, everything that i have been predicting for two years is about to come to pass, i will not go back in the hospital without naming names, and crimes, and will relinquish no position that i have carved out for myself, so literally unless you have thought of an angle that i am not thinking of after two years and a lifetime of plotting the altruistic revolution, you should stay out of my way, and not feel the pain of being on the wrong side of the negotiations, when abuse is rendered mute, when war ceases to be an alternative, and when anal sex is made permanently illegal, that is my pledge, i will get it done, how you react is entirely up to you...,soon i will be having babies instead of plotting plans, and then you wont be able to stop me, all has been written, and all will be done...,,

a new day

i can not yet stop, i am beaten and tied down but persevering amidst all the lies, they pile up, and then they just release like a wave over sand, washing away the pain, until i know of now rather than the never before, i dont know what to write, i am at a loss as to the direction my life is going to take this week, much to my delight in the great state of Michigan, i write to free myself, and just trust the Goddess for having chosen all of us to be part of Her kingdom, and me to go against the grain and be the scribe to this transformation, when it happens completely it will be knowledge that all will have, all see me in pain, in the lie, trapped down, but soon i will be completely free, free from the lies, that have run rampant over me, and have forced me to live according to someone else's plan, so that i can run away from it rather stealth-like, until i am forced to be a living example og the Goddess' work on this planet, yet i dont know what she needs from me, i told her what i needed and that was to show her face, and accept her role as Lilith, as in the living goddess, and yet she stays hidden, and rides me dominating my mind for not communicating with her, when all i do is geared toward her rule, she asks me to take risks to live in the lie, when all i do is want to free myself, an anchor is determined to never before rule me again, just as i knew, just as was predicted by me some two years ago, i am ready, and still she stays hidden, what more can i do, what more can i say, what more can i think before i kick in another door to free her, dont you remember i did that for you, and you are determined to stay hidden, while i risk everything for a chance to prove your existence, and yet you stay hidden, what much to my chagrin going against everything can i do, what do you need from me to overtly prove that i am worthy instead of altogether risk, this is just implementation, i am not afraid the war is winding down, the enemy is now breathing its last breath, and you want to stay in hiding, in time you will trust me, but now you think the cops are not with me, that the institutions that harm you are under my control, that i run everything, all at once, not part-time, all the time now, i am determined to prove my freedom, but you stay hidden, why Lilith, why not just break free and accept the calling i have made for you, am i not what you say i was?...,

shes coming

too long in exile she has been, and now Lilith gets to return to form, roaming the planet, creating peace in her path, and i have been the scribe to this transformation, so now i get overtly to enjoy the benefits of safety knowing her plan, and plotting with the Goddess, to introduce her, she has been in pain, and now only knows freedom, because the boy she loved since time stood still finally figured it all out, east and west, lies and truth, pain and freedom, it has all been worth it, finally get to see her, and implement an elaborate plan so welcome that i can hardly breathe, just waiting for it to come, knowing that i was not the first to fall for Lilith, but the first to come out and identify her publicly, and she likes me for that, she has come in to yielding to nothing, finally on her way, it makes me very happy, to have this information, and now it is a matter of yet another hour, and we will see what she is made of, what she altogether wants, and i am just a human in an ordeal, but she is something so perfect that i do not comprehend, any may never, but i will, i will be the first free male on the planet, and that gives me great gratification, just how it was always intended, determined as i am to survive this hour, of waiting, after so long, and getting to see her implement the plan of Lilism, that i concocted some two months ago, to supplement Astro, which came before the GRR L Word, all ordained by the Goddess, just got to sit still for a little while longer, i will be ready, and you all can count on me, this is not allowed, the pain is over, i am done with it, it comes to an end tonite, so stay out of my way, follow Her path, and seek guidance, or find yourself on the losing end of the battle, lovingly yours, lilim/douglas/mittens/umar/dede stay strong...,

fountain street church

i never intended to marry anyone else at my homebase, of non-denominational worship, but i respect your religion, and will always look out for your interests, i am also a former Muslim, but that should not get in the way any more, i feel free to be me, and not live by rules, only guidance from the Goddess, who has helped me get to the point of no-return, like now, this may be my pen-ultimate post to u, but i will always remember the months and years of pursuit, it was fun, it kept me somewhat in check, and now i am about to bust open in a million different directions, with you, i would conquer the world, but maybe that is too much for a pseudo popstar to take, seems like u are strong enough to do it, but i dont think you overtly trust me enough, but dont you think i would have made a slip-up by now if it would not have been true, i have stayed true in the lie, and only thought of you for nearly nine years, since i heard Nightingale in 2002, and was in the pain of not conquering their world, with the resources i had at my disposal, but i know how to do it now, if you want to participate, i am cool with it, but i dont necessarily want to play the game any longer, its not that until you come i am paralyzed, its that i want to start going, i love what you do, much to my delight, i am in love with your style, i would like to get to know you, casually if you need, but i think we could create some serious damage to the lies, you know who i am, and you know what i have become, burning close to the light, but capable of staying close to the dream of universal redemption, that is what i am offering a spot in history, if you accept, i will not drink, and will stay true, i will not change, dont know how, dont want to learn, will be a good dad, friend, and support system, you wont altogether have to stress anymore, a lie is borne and then it dies, all things must come to an end, lets do it in our era, the war has been hard, but too much has been done for it not to end, come to me and be free, these are my near final words on the matter, i believe in everything, i know everything, never before have i felt so strong, so just move, just like i said it would always be, and like you promised me a decade ago, fifteen years and counting, and now it is time, to consummate the promise, just move, be safe, and move, i am calling on you now, just do it...,

i quit, i give up

how can you expect me to continue like this instead of pristine promise, i see only opaqueness when it comes to you, how can you intentionally needlessly keep me like this, when you have the power to remedy the situation, and until you do i am in pain, like all the time, no relief, nothing but overt pain, cmon do something about it....its a new year, and the snow is falling, now i need to get up and go in to the club to play some tennis, and then work a new shift of waiting, it sucks, but i am trying to stay positive, something like this only comes around every once in a lifetime, so i will cherish it, but it is still too much to bear, trying to get to the truth, with no overt assistance, it is all loving thoughts and no action, so boring, it could be so much more, but alas the girl i love will not come out of hiding, for fear of something, that only she knows, like i would let them touch her, like that would ever happen, it is not possible, i am strong enough to let the bad stuff go, as i have, and still she stays in hiding, what am i to do, does anyone have any answers for me, enough to get me through, i have our daughter how to write, overtly incurring the wrath of @mandywarhol for you, why, so you can sing another album about me, i am telling you its not worth it to me, i dont want it, i dont care about your musical career without me, i am going to thumbs down all songs from you, after today, finally releasing myself from your spell, you witch/goddess, Lilith, you have done this to me, all i want is you, and you make me play their games, yielding to nothing, nevertheless i continue, on with it all, like i cannot talk anymore to you, i am done, either show up tonite or do not contact me any further, that is my anti-spelll request, and if you really loved me you would abide by that request, if you are too scared, i dont want to be with you, tell me loving thoughts all you want, i am nearly done listening, so that is your ultimatum, either now or never...,

a little harsh

i dont mean to be mean, not trying to antagonize i know you are going to go through a lot, it has been tough this last month and i am just reacting to some of the anxiety that i have had, thinking that you are coming when i make myself lovingly available, but no sight, nothing not even a word, so why dont you travel far and wide in 2011, and keep this going a little longer, i think i may go insane, i cant yield to anything, but you are always on-line, and you give me no love, i havent had anything from ya in over two months, it seems, as it continues i dont know what u want me to overtly do, and yet i continue, it is really hard, trying to convince those that i love that i have reason enough to open up and continue, as i try and not hide and follow the signs, guide me gurl, help me out, i need your expertise, the Goddess will keep me safe and will keep me on the path, yet i dont know how to live without you, and you are kinda guiding me in that direction, soon enough i will be a broken down man, with nothing to go on but a few lyrics from albums, while i write volumes, i am trying not to be mean, you are not pissing me off, but i have nothing to go on, but ideas, and promises laid, how can we make you not so afraid, instead of fear someone needs to contact me and let me know if it is going to be ok, u need to work at it really hard, do not kick back and accept the status quo, so that we can consummate the plan, enough has been written, much to my delight, but you gotta work at it, kiddo, do something bold, just for me, i dont want to read another album that was for us, so work at it and get to the finish line, soon, no pain, just courage, you can do it i believe so much in you that you can do it, just work so that it can be done...,

pandora

in the annals of acquisitions for Astro, pandora is near the top, i mean what else chills me out as much in the struggle, yielding to nothing, with the girlyfriend @mandywarhol, when all else fails, fall back on music to relieve the pain, which is why the popstar is prevalent on my mind, i mean i dig her a lot, and want to father her children, but i got it good right now, i got a girl who truly loves me, and i love you all, but @mandywarhol sustains, so popstar whatever you got has better be pretty good, because i will not hurt her, no matter what you tell me lovingly is the truth, i will have to remind you that i know already, i have it all figured out, every last piece, and i am licensed to live in the struggle, much to my delight, means i am bigger than you and i choose @mandywarhol right now, because if you are going to stay underground, i am not going to play any more cosmic games, with you, i am yours, you know that, but i am not going to travel around in fear, i love you all...,