Norah knows me

That much I can say w/ confidence tho why she doesn't wanna b w/ me is a mystery, she seems 2 b so mired in her life that she doesn't wanna break any routine, so I am left 2 continue pursuin her w/ no end in sight.  Oh well what can u do - - sent from Blogger 4 Android.

myspace blog post from 1/06/10

dj super dre

Current mood:calm

Of all the talented musicians in the area, Super Dre must be the most unique, spanning two musical genres, all without picking up a traditional instrument or a microphone, as she has become the go-to DJ in GRR, and is making a name for herself beyond the city's borders...

some time back, i surmised that in order to get a feel for what is going on in the electronic music genre, i would need a blog by Dre, herself, and then i began listening more to her mixes supplied on her MySpace page, and realized that she does themes that are the same as what her mood is towards house music, in general, like the Spooky themed track that was probably released around Halloween, this year, and it would be a research project but i could learn from a set-list of what she is using to produce her music as a DJ....

honestly, i prefer to hear Dre do the electronica rather than hiphop, though she does both very well, and i have seen her in bars, art galleries, and other such parties, and she customizes her performance to the audience that is in attendance, so that people have really responded to her talents in both musical genres....i dont know which one is going to make a bigger impact, but my bet is that she is going to do something so innovative that it will transcend the label of a 'genre' and re-direct our musical tastes to something new...

i learned about house music, not from my proximity to its inception in DTW, but rather in my time living in SFO, going to major and smaller clubs, alike, and dancing to the beats of world-renowned DJ's, and I would put Super Dre in the category of a potentially well-known DJ, that can be an asset in any live performance, such as the local hiphopsters have discovered by putting her on the bill to fill the time slots between solo rapper acts, like Suport did back in December @ Billys....

she is a savvy user of the Internet to promote her music and persona, and keeps us up-to-date on Twitter, Facebook, and MySpace on where she will be, and what she will be doing....i, unfortunately, do not own any portable form of her music in the way of CD, vinyl, or iPod entry, but i like to surf and work on-line while having her beats on in the background, it is good music to concentrate to, and i find myself more relaxed after an afternoon of playing Quicktime segments of her electronic flair....

tomorrow, Dre will be at Billys, which i hope to attend, as it will be a mainly house music night, if i can surmise correctly from the accompanying artists that are scheduled to be there, and she will put on a performance with her big hair, MacBook, and cell phone in hand, twittering away as she spins, i like her style, and i dont think i am alone, there are a lot of Super Dre fans throughout the area, and beyond....

so, if you are in doubt of local music, had enough of WYCE for the moment, and are looking for something new, check her out, it seems like only a matter of time before she starts to fly off to bigger engagements around the country, and right now you can see her in the smallish settings of GRR, and enjoy real house music, and even if your flavor is hiphop, she will oblige from time-to-time and bust out mixes of that genre that keeps a night moving forward and provides the back-drop for lyricists to do their thing...

that is my suggestion, become a fan on FB, listen to her stuff on MS, and follow her daily rants of humor on Twitter, it is well worth it, soon a vinyl release will encapsulate all the talent in to one pressing, but until that time, it is still good enough to listen on-line, go see her perform, or just chat it up with her, she is engaging, and willing to give her thoughts on music, in general.....

good asset to the local music scene, Super Dre is, if not the top, near the top of break-out performers from this city, and more is sure to come....

new material

its been an up weekend, and only through going through the motions have i felt a little relief from the pent-up anxiety or that feeling that just builds when you know there is something beyond the conventional story, that the world is at it is perceived, when this is entirely false, this is a global struggle not with parties or revolutionaries or religions, it is a war of species magnitude, because at their core they want to see things somehow destroyed, and we do not...,,,

your I.O.U.

you are now obliged, to no matter what the status of your money is, you have to take care of mandywarhol, because she has been through all of this, and yesterday was really hard for everyone involved, so if you cant come free, then you have to pay-up a bit, and fulfill some thank you's for taking care of me, i am about to lose my mind over this issue, all because i made a vow to protect u and get you free one way or another, so i still am committed to that, i am still signed up to making sure you are o.k., if you want to marry your "prince" overtly where your 'kingdom' is, then go ahead and do it, and i will know you are safe and i can go on with my life, because i assume that is your choice, so when you do it, do it casually dont be happy, because you left behind the ideal, that a plan that could not be topped, it was impossible to topple it, in case you still gave that dream some thought, i will hang on until you make up your night-time mind, when that is settled on the though difficult reality, however you dont even want to think about it, when you give that dream up, just give me a lol, so i know you will stay yourself as we go about in the struggle separately, that is the best i can give you, i cant give you any more, i am played out for the time being, it would seem, unless i get motivated, how can i be expected to anything more, besides care, i like to write though so you will probably hear from me, soon, i just thought i had to say no more thursdays like this one, cant be done, like that, i love myself too much to give you that much power, i dont want to be abused to no repair, i need to be able to live, though i could use some help, i will find a way...,,,

no clue

how this week ends up is anyone's guess, it could go in so many different directions, all i do is try and survive, it just seems like it is so unattainable most of the time, the days are long the nites are not late-affairs, because i am so stressed about doing the right thing, and because i dont have narry a drug to help me soothe the brain, it is really frustrating, and i blame the mental health community for over-reacting to my condition, i simply said i was in love with a pop star, and thought i could get her attention, then they lock me up, and say no to adderrall and marijuana, which helps me immensely just deal with the pressures, and i dont have to abuse, i could let who ever i am living with to monitor my intake, so it wouldnt be all the time, today i am stressed because the girl i love is not known to be a reality, and i am causing so much undue stress on the gurlfriend, who is pretty cool in her own right, and i am sick of waiting to know the truth, i will send you back to Mnhttn, and feel alright about it, soon, i will, i cant go through it much longer, its just not fair, i would like the chance to make an argument for myself, but i cant do it forever, it hurts too much, and i never dreamed i would meet someone like you, though i definitely never dreamed i would lose someone like you, i will have to do it, and be crushed but content, that i did everything i could, i have made every move possible, and if you dont think its good enough, then you might as well get on t.v. and announce your engagement to your "prince", your 'kingdom' is waiting for an answer, and so am i, i think we all are, everyone wants to know what is it going to be, i think you owe it to yourself, to come clean, and actually decide what you want to do, because it is unfair to everyone in addition to you, and you have every right to make sure you make the right decision, but what else can i do, but be available on thursday, and then move on if you dont show up, i have to do that, i have to be willing to do that, and so should you, its kind of an ultimatum, but i dont want to follow the gurls anymore, i am not a teenager, i wanna engage in the real world: nobody loves no one, and you have to make a choice...,,,

whats going on

i figured you would like to know some details although i have no idea what you want to do, i surmise you would be willing to move in with me, if i am not in a relationship, which is understandable, i want new life, on my own, by quitting smoke breaks, instead of going down six floors of stairs, i will checw gum, eat candy, and hopefully come cross to some drugs that helps, that is where i am at, they make me re-coil, the taste is bad, i get nothing out of it, i am just doing it to have something to do, so if you keep me busy, i wont even think of them, though some fun stimulants would be helpful, its just time, before you come, and get annoyed that i was not done by the time you came, i cant promise everything, but its on my radar, i really dont like them, its just i feel so dopey from the medication, and i cant get going with just caffeine, i need something else in my body, ad adderrall seems to work well, granted i love them, so you would have to hold them for me, and only give me about three or four per day of 20 MG, or 2 XR 30 mgs, that seem to work the best, because then i just have to pop one in the morning, and one in the late afternoon and i can function as a productive dreamer, i stay on top of things, and would easily help get you going, if you are thinking what i can do, i can do a lot with a little help, i dont know what you are planning, but i have some ideas, that i will not pressure you in to, i just thought you might like some recommendations based on what i see from a basically outsider perspective, how to convert the skeptics of your sound and/or voice, i think it is silly, but you want to welcome all-in, and films help with that, if we can get you going with that, or if you want to make an album, a collaboration again might work well, thats what i have off the top of-my-head,

i asked the gurlfriend not to move in for some period of time, determined by your schedule, and what you can tell me, but i like the place as my oqn, and only want to share it if i feel good about it, after not having a good home for 7.5 years, i want something peaceful and stable, and i think i have the makings of that, if you want to get cable tv and watch shows thats fine, you just got to listen to music with me as often, because i go a little stir crazy in front of a screen, much to my delight i have all sorts of music to let you hear, though you probably are not a hiphopster by preference, i will give you history and political relevance to what you are trying to accomplish with your creativity, and you will see that i have been tracking for some time, all the players who would be able to help, so that will be good for you to hear, and i will want to hear your story, in time, like what are you doing online and why, am i being narcissistic about your intentions, because you seem to have a good time, i just want to have a real conversation soon enough, without the encumbrances of the world seeing it, i am pretty open, but that was out of necessity, not that i have said everything, i just wanted you to get a clear picture of where i was coming from, that is all, didnt want to have you surprised by anything, you should know overtly what you are getting in to, but i feel stable, and ready to take on the responsibility, especially if you live with me....,

there are lots ore things to say, but i just wanted to know that for the first time in like ten listens so far i like your latest contribution, it hit me last nite, when i realized what i had to do, after txting her, and having a fight about it, i think i altogether made myself clear, and i dont think it will be too much trouble to implement, but your presence and in-the-meanwhile some online support would be greatly appreciated, i told my sister about last nite and asked for her help, which may or may not break-the-ice, but at least its somewhat consistent, i dont know what i am doing some of the time, but go in with blind faith, and see what comes out, and it usually works that has been my test, and it usually simmers to the top as truth, its always an ordeal, and i wish you could be more explicit, but as long as you try and make me feel wanted through this all, i will be able to do it, if you go away in fear of offending someone, then it will be difficult, let me work out the details you can just help by providing verbiage support, and maybe not fighting, listening to house music right now, wonder if you will ever do some partying with me, i know you want to get pregnant, i hope so, i want you as well, enough time has passed, but we should be able to stay active in the streets, i still want to do that interview, if you are game, and i imagine you will have a few ideas, so ill leave it at that, just encouragement through the over-the-top process, feel free to ask any questions that have not been addressed, i will do my best to respond in a timely decree of time, that is all...,,,

drug user

i guess i should explain myself a little about this topic, since it is a sensitive one, and i only explained the illicit drugs and narcotics that i approve of or disapprove of, but i take lots of medication, all in the valiant effort to free my mind: first of all there is the mood-stabilizer depacote, along with risperdal and halodol following stays in the hospital, these treat my diagnosed schizophrenia, and i also take a prescription medication called benzotropin or something like that overtly to help now manage the side-effects, in terms of haldol.

The other two drugs that i am addicted to are adderrall and marijuana, both of which if they are around i will find a way to get to it, and use them, although i am following safe guidelines when using either or both, rather stealth-like, i love them both equally for different reasons, adderrall i can be out and just function, marijuana i can be home and just mellow out, they are not to me substitutable for anything else in my life, perhaps unless LW strolls through the door, she is so fine i am determined to get to her, she boggles the brain, her intelligence and style, i love her and would never follow any pattern that put her in harm's way because of my addictions, therefore, i needed her to know about me and even the darker side of waiting 8 years to eventually meet her, all first-degree drug addictions whether they be anti-schizophrenic, or playground style pot smoking, were all there building before her, but came in to full bloom once the pursuit was on, and i figured out who i had to marry.

she charms me almost as much as i charm her, for she could have anyone in the world, literally what man would not leave his wife if NJ came calling, and that is why i somehow held out for her, because i knew if i got married, and met her, and she liked me, the marriage would be decidedly over, right then and there, i am so in terms i cannot even express, enamored by her round butt, and sense of humor, and general disposition, she is my equal and then some, i would be honored to get to know her and whether or not she laughs at my jokes, i will not stop trying to entertain her rightly, the best way i know how, by being myself, so she's got me, i cannot let go, and i use drugs of all sorts to get to her, to give me the confidence the panache, the altogether self-eggrandizement to dream big, and she is the biggest dream i know of, whether you like her music or not, if you studied her as much as i have studied her, you will see unless blind, the biggest thing going that is honestly on this planet, from her voice, to her girliness, to her management of the image, it is all perfect, i love her, what more can i say...,,,